Snail sentience

image    image

image     image

Our numbers are thriving, exploding, multiplying in fact,

And I’m loving this wet, damp, monsoon-like weather,

My muscular foot glides and slithers, gracefully undulating

And daily, I am perfecting my wavelike walk.

I have even overcome my fear of heights

And am getting more and more adventurous!

After all, this is rugged Munro country

And I am a Scottish snail…

Not one of those soft, Sassenach snails, south of the border!

My shell is made of sterner, stronger stuff!

Under cover, under the bright diffused light of a blue moon

I smell and sense my à la carte dinner

Tantalisingly and temptingly calling me across the wet garden.

image     image



The choices of starter are endless and I am spoilt for choice…

Small, sweet, runner bean tips or soft, fleshy baby courgettes,

Succulent spinach leaves or pretty, frilly red leaved lettuce?


And if they think that a handful of crushed eggshells

And a threatening shiny strip of copper tape will stop me…


They ain’t seen nothin’ yet!

They haven’t seen me engage full throttle and give it some welly.

These humans lead such a bizarre busy restless life

That they didn’t even think to check last night…

…on the greenhouse door!

image      image

image      image

Oh glorious yummy banquet…

Cucumbers and lots of them!

My eyes very nearly popped off the ends of my tentacles.

Free fodder for “Slimers”, just waiting there dangling enticingly.


And when I became aware of my mouth succumbing to repetitive strain,

I knew it was time for a delectable and delightful wee pudding.

The last remaining delicious delphinium wafted it’s scent

Across the soggy and boggy uncut lawn

And I wasted no time in making short shrift of those

Sugary syrupy deep blue petals and sweet juicy stems,

With my soft and sensitive but now tired and aching chompers.

image      image

image      image

And now as the sun rises on the horizon

And I can just see  and feel the first rays warming my shell,

It is time to seek out and slither across to my preferred place of siesta,

Into the comforting arms of Angelica Archangelica.

Lots of them towering majestically around the garden this year,

Mother Nature’s own strategically placed bespoke hammocks.

Now that all those annoying, flying, buzzing things have gone

With the disappearance of those heady, intoxicating flowers,

I should be able to get a decent day’s sleep

Dreaming about what’s on offer on the menu tomorrow…

image      image

image       image

On reflection, my peripheral vision did notice some mouth watering additions.

Some choice, carefully nurtured young Cosmos plants in pots,

Placed and arranged and added with care under the porch canopy.

Ah…another hard night’s work ahead of me tonight,

Better retract tentacles and get some shut-eye in quick!

Hope those pesky willow warblers have learnt some table manners

And don’t go dropping Angelica seed crumbs all over my shell!

P. S. Check out the very last photo in this poem

And you’ll see moi performing some dare-devil stunts

Whilst consuming that tasty little pud.

As they say in Glasgae : Pure, dead, brilliant!


Sassenach : A word used in Scotland for an English person. Derived from the Gaelic Sassunach, it originally meant of Saxon origin to describe Lowland non Gaelic speaking Scots.

Angelica Archangelica: A pungent aromatic very tall growing herb with thick, hollow stems, providing useful hidey holes for an assortment of insects. So named because it flowers around the time of the Feast of St. Michael, the Archangel, at the beginning of May.

To make short shrift of something : to work quickly.

To give it some welly : to apply great physical effort to something.

A quick note to all my WordPress Followers : I sincerely hope that you are all enjoying a most happy and healthy and invigorating Summer! I have never ever known such a wet Summer in my life, and as my husband and I are self employed gardeners, these last few weeks have been challenging, to say the least! The slightest chink of sun and we rush out to work on other folks’ gardens. When not working on theirs, I am trying to keep on top of my own, along with all of life’s other commitments. The weather is indeed teaching us many lessons…

Please bear with me if I have failed to keep up with all of your new blogs and there is a distinct lack of my presence on here. It is not for one minute that I have forgotten you, rather work and commitments have pushed the Blogging into a subordinate position.  Also, I have never seen so many slugs and snails in the garden, but then they adore all this wet weather, hence I was driven to write the poem that I have just posted.

Late Autumn and Winter months, shorter, colder days and long, dark nights will be just perfect for writing Blogs! In the meantime I shall dip in and out as and when I am able. My Best Wishes to you all…