moja mama

                                                              for Zofia

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It was Mother’s Day and I thought of you, moja mamusia i moja mama.

Adulthood, adolescence and childhood, I called you by those names.

You were dear and precious to me, kochana mamo, dearest Mother.

In your womb you wove me, nourished me with your love,

endured excruciating pain, enabled me to humanly manifest.

Did I ever thank you for my Birth-Day?

Did I never say dziekuje za moje urodziny?

I wish I had then, I wish I could now, I wish we might again have our time,

all over again and again, moja mama.

Moja mama.

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The anniversary of your death, the day after Mother’s Day.

I wore my Siberian-mined Seraphinite,

Heavenly fronds of silvery-white crystal angel feathers,

fluorescing, shimmering, timelessly whispering and calling me.

You were deported to Irkutsk, Siberia, from Lwów, then Poland.

You were too young to suffer so under Stalin’s ethnic cleansing,

your heart became hardened, a prisoner behind thick walls

and those walls never ever came down again, not ever.

Oh how I wish I could have cast them aside,

found some weakness, some glimmer of light

through which I could clamber in and feel your warmth,

Moja mama.

As a child, a young girl, a teenager, an adult,

I tried hard to understand your harshness, your aloofness.

No relentless battering was able to soften that formidable layer.

But moja mama,

now that I have witnessed what you have witnessed,

my heart broken into little pieces, as you had yours

then clumsily and erroneously put back together again,

Humpty-Dumpty style but not by the king’s horses or men,

now that my heart has been squeezed, wrung out and hung up to dry

only now and now only do I understand why it was as it was,

why you were who you were and why you were as you were…

Not Siberia-style, but through my own piercingly personal life-lessons.

Moja mama.

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Old stone of Seraphim, unique exquisite secret of Lake Baikal,

oldest, deepest and most mysterious freshwater lake on earth,

healing spiritual conductor of the Divine Feminine,

with your energy bring all etheric bodies into alignment.

Enable old patterns of dis-ease and imbalance to fall away,

create new space where deep peace and understanding might settle,

mysterious magnetism calling me to purchase you and take you home,

knowing nothing of your ancient geographic ancestry or healing powers.

Now you miraculously speak to me of moja mama, of Siberia, of compassion,

an unconditional Mother’s love that was always there waiting to be released.

Tenderly I stroke the Seraphinite locket, tilting it this way and that

hoping in so doing that it might open a communication portal,

pleading with the heavenly beings to deliver my soul-message to Zofia,

Holy  Wisdom’s name-sake, in hindsight I see now, so wise in her ways,

” Mamo, kocham cie,”… “Mother, I love you.”

Moja mama.

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Marian and Zofia Korsak.

Photo taken 1945, in Loreto, Italy, after the Battle of Monte Cassino.  My mother, parents and sister with husband, were deported by Stalin’s soldiers, from Lwów, Poland, in 1940, to a work camp near Irkutsk, on Lake  Baikal, in Siberia, Russia.  Today Lwów is Lviv and is in the Ukraine. They were lucky to survive the harsh freezing conditions, hard labour, appalling cramped living conditions, scarcity of food and sickness that killed so many folk deported to Siberia.  Not only Poles but many other nationalities and ethnic minorities suffered the same fate. In mid 1942, after the signing of the Sikorski-Mayski agreement, an amnesty for Polish citizens in the Soviet Union was declared. The Polish Free Army was formed under General Anders and my mother and family managed to leave Siberia. She, together with my uncle and grandfather joined the Polish Army, where she drove 3 ton ammunition lorries across Iran, Iraq and on to Egypt, joining up with the British 8th Army. She met my father in the Polish Army and they were married at Loreto in Italy, after the battle of Monte Cassino, in which both my parents took part. After WW2 not wanting to go back to a Poland ruled by the Soviets and Communism once more, my parents and extended family migrated to Britain, settling in London, my father working as a tailor, sewing fine hand made suits. My mother soon followed him into the same trade.

Monte Cassino : a rocky hill about 130 km southeast of Rome, with a Benedictine Abbey built on it’s summit.  January 1944 saw the start of the Battle of Monte Cassino, to break through German defenses so that the Allies could make their way up to Rome and eventually try to enter Germany through France.  On 18 May 1944, soldiers of the 2nd Polish Corps raised the Polish flag over the monastery ruins and the road to Rome was once more open.  The Abbey was rebuilt after the war.

moja mamusia : Polish, my mummy ; moja mama : my mother

kochana mamo : dearest mother ; dziekuje za moje urodziny : thank you for my Birthday,

Seraphinite :  a green stone belonging to the Chlorite group, containing fibres that shimmer as the stone is turned about in the light. It is named after the Seraphim angels and is said to connect us with the higher dimension, opening the channels of communication and energy between us and the angelic realm. It is a powerful gemstone for healing on all levels- physical, emotional and spiritual.  It is mined exclusively from the “Korshunovskaia” mine near Lake Baikal.

Siberia : a vast Russian province containing most of Northern Asia.

Lake Baikal, in southern Siberia, is the world’s oldest freshwater lake : 25 million years old, and the deepest at 1,700 m.  It is 644 km long, curving through south-eastern Siberia, north of the Mongolian border.

Humpty Dumpty : A child’s nursery rhyme…

“Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,

All the king’s horses and all the king’s men,

Couldn’t put Humpty together again.”

Holy Wisdom : Sophia in Greek, Zofia in Polish.

 

My mother was widowed in 1981.  In 2004 she came to Lanark, the town where I now live in Scotland, into a Nursing Home where she remained until her death on March 7th 2008. I was probably closer to my mother in those last 4 years than I had ever been, regularly visiting her in the Home, but tragically she had Alzheimer’s and she became a confused shadow of the strong and determined woman that she once was, having survived all that she did.

Apologies…some of the letters in the  Polish words have their wee tails/ wee lines missing…I am not technologically savvy enough to be able to bring up the full Polish Alphabet on WordPress!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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17 thoughts on “moja mama

  1. This is beautiful, so so so beautiful that it deserves proper attention and investment than just a cursory read. And so I will in a bit.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so… Just off to meet with the local poetry group in the Library! Have no idea what to expect????? Will report back… ! It may not be what I am looking for but then it might be fabulous who know? The tribute to my mamusia I have been wanting to write for a LONG time and Mothers Day and her Death’s anniversary seemed the write moment… Thanks again my dear… Bye for now… 😀

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so so much, my friend. Your words mean so much to me and this was a poem written straight from the heart…What you have written to me is wonderful and I am SO grateful. Your English says that you enjoyed reading the poem and that means so much to me and I also really appreciate your comment. Many Blessings and Bless You for your amazing Art that you share with us. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You are most welcome.
        I love your great pen.
        Thank you so much, that made my face turn red.
        A million thanks from the deepest part of my heart. May God bless you now and forever for making this friend of yours extremely happy and grateful.

        Blessings and warm wishes for you, ❤

        Liked by 1 person

  2. It was difficult to pick up my favourite line…everything was so beautiful. I love your tribute, so heartfelt so touching, I might have shed a tear or two upon reading this :

    “But moja mama,

    now that I have witnessed what you have witnessed,

    my heart broken into little pieces, as you had yours

    then clumsily and erroneously put back together again”

    The hard walls we put up, all the facade, never once breaking down just to appear strong in front of our children, while a storm we carry within..And only when we become the storm ourselves then we know what it must have been like for the one who braved it and became the storm herself. And yet, I say “it must have been like” because we will still never understand fully the other’s pain even when we have it ourselves. Everyone has a different way of handling hardships, coping with pain and moving on.
    This was a very personal poem Krysia and I salute your courage and your mamasia’s strength. May her soul rest in eternal peace. May you forever be blessed by her guiding spirit.
    And i must tell you, your glossary is always very fascinating.
    Krysia, my dearest friend, this was absolutely B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L. And I love the name Zofia. Truly! And your seraphinite locket too. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. …my dear friend, I shed a tear also when I read these beautiful words…thank you for connecting and for being able to feel what I felt when I wrote these words. You are so so lovely and loving and sensitive and understanding…and now I am lost for words and feel quite tearful. It was a bit of a roller coaster week-end with Mother’s day and mama’s death’s anniversary…and all my 6 children spoilt me rotten and that was SO lovely! Earlier in the year I was 60 and my youngest son was 18…phew…what an onslaught on the emotions. But you know, I think Poetry has to be personal, straight from the heart and life experience otherwise why do it? So so true my friend each and every one of us experiences something SO so unique to ourselves…our hurt our pain will be a one off, like no one elses…Yes, isn’t the name Zofia just gorgeous? I thought the photo of my mum and dad when they were young and my dad in Polish army uniform is just incredible…they look such a lovely couple. I am SO SO glad that you found this beautiful…it means that it struck in the heart just as I had hoped it would. They had such a tough life even after they settled here in London…they came here with NOTHING, but by golly did they work hard, sending my sister and myself to private schools, and we and my brother lacked for nothing…the locket was an amazing twist on the story as I had bought it knowing nothing of where the stone had come from and when I found out it was mined where my mum had been in Siberia I was blown away…completely!!! I have no doubt whatsoever that your heartfelt blessings have already reached my mama wherever she might be now…? perhaps in another life here or in another realm? I know not…but I do feel that everything in this universe is so finely connected and what we wish and think does connect in the subtle realm…I must be getting quite philosophical as the day draws to a close. I feel that my mamusia is very much with me and when her soul departed from this life, it was just me and my mum…alone…I had never experienced that moment before…so yes, very profound. And yes, I have had to be strong in the past for my children and carry on despite feeling that the world was sinking into insanity around me. Phew! And on that note I feel had better retire and say Good Night after dropping into your Blog…I am going to say a Thank You again straight from my heart…your words mean so much and I am truly, truly touched by what I have just read…………Love and Blessings to you and your beautiful soul…💐

      Liked by 2 people

  3. I think your mother must be still looking out for you, and maybe she guided you to the seraphinite locket, knowing you needed it. Speaking as someone who parents as best I can despite the scars of my childhood, she probably tried to be her very best for you. Every day. She must have succeeded because you sound like a wonderful mother in your own right. I’m glad your children spoil you. XOXO

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, without a doubt she did the very best for us in ways that she was able to considering all that she had been through…I like to think that she guided me towards that locket just when I needed it in my life and we needed to connect again and now I can wear it all the time. Thank you so for your lovely kind words my friend…they mean a lot to me, you are just too kind. Enjoy your lovely spring garden as things are beginning to wake up…🌅

      Liked by 1 person

  4. After reading your deeply felt poem several times – to let it sink so to speak, I turned to the glossary, where i encountered the horrors of deportation from your parents’ beloved homeland to the farthest corners of the Soviet empire. Your outline of the events war so well and dramaticllay written, I felt that you would perhaps one day turn it into a historical novel. The battle of Monte Cassino was a decisive one, where the Polish Army made a significant contribution to the Allied victory in Italy. Their reward should have been a free Poland with her territory restored to the prewar borders. Alas this did not happen! So sad!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Peter, this one was pulled out from the deepest depths of my heart and lies close to my soul! Such a hard and bitter struggle and I do not know the minute details of what happened in the work camp as my mother did not want to talk about it…all I know is that there was scant food, disease, and appalling living conditions. Yes, my parents felt betrayed at the end of the war…it was a bitter, bitter blow and one they never ever recovered from…but they were SO grateful to be given the chance of beginning a new life here in Britain. It could quite easily have been the States! Indeed Peter…historical novel…mmmm? Thank you so for your thoughtfulness on this one… 😊

      Liked by 1 person

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